I am no more humble than my talents require.

I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.'

There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

A dollar saved is a quarter earned.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.