If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.

Canada is the essence of not being. Not English, not American, it is the mathematic of not being. And a subtle flavour - we're more like celery as a flavour.

Men want sex. If men ruled the world, they could get sex anywhere, anytime. Restaurants would give you sex instead of breath mints on the way out. Gas stations would give sex with every fill-up. Banks would give sex to anyone who opened a checking account.

You haven't achieved equality until you're a legitimate target for humor.

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.