Authors - Henny Youngman

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Quote 493by Anonymous on 04/01/2011

When I read about the evils of drinking I gave up reading.
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    Quote 728by Anonymous on 07/01/2011

    My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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      Quote 740by Anonymous on 07/01/2011

      I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.
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        Quote 1428by Anonymous on 13/01/2011

        All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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          Quote 1619by Anonymous on 14/01/2011

          I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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            Quote 2348by Anonymous on 28/01/2011

            You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
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              Quote 2479by Anonymous on 30/01/2011

              I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
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                Quote 2510by Anonymous on 31/01/2011

                I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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                  Quote 2817by Anonymous on 02/02/2011

                  If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
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                    Quote 4411by Anonymous on 21/02/2011

                    I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
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                      Quote 9572by Anonymous on 04/08/2012

                      This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
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                        Quote 10600by Anonymous on 11/10/2012

                        When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
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                          Quote 10802by Anonymous on 29/10/2012

                          The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
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                            Quote 11012by Anonymous on 16/11/2012

                            Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
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                              Quote 11635by Anonymous on 12/01/2013

                              Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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                                Quote 11911by Anonymous on 30/01/2013

                                This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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                                  Quote 13196by Anonymous on 26/06/2013

                                  She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
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