It had only one fault. It was kind of lousy.

I hate women because they always know where things are.

He who hesitates is sometimes saved.

Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.

Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.

The most dangerous food is wedding cake.

Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man.

The paths of glory at least lead to the grave, but the paths of duty may not get you any where.

Love is what you've been through with somebody.

Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost.

I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself, but in so doing, he identifies himself with people--that is, people everywhere, not for the purpose of taking them apart, but simply revealing their true nature.