Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-five now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Sometimes when I am driving I get so angry at inconsiderate drivers that I want to scream at them. But then I remember how insignificant that is, and I thank God that I have a car and my health and gas. That was phrased wrong - normally you wouldn't say, thank God I have gas.

I was in yoga the other day. I was in full lotus position. My chakras were all aligned. My mind is cleared of all clatter and I'm looking out of my third eye and everything that I'm supposed to be doing. It's amazing what comes up, when you sit in that silence. 'Mama keeps whites bright like the sunlight, Mama's got the magic of Clorox 2.'

Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work.

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

I auditioned on my own. I tried to make a mark for myself without anybody's help, not even Mom's.

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.