Authors - Erma Bombeck
Erma Louise Bombeck (February 21, 1927 - April 22, 1996) was an American humorist who achieved great popularity for her newspaper column that described suburban home life from the mid-1960s until the late 1990s. Bombeck also published 15 books, most of which became bestsellers. From 1965 to 1996, Erma Bombeck wrote over 4,000 newspaper columns chronicling the ordinary life of a midwestern suburban housewife with broad, and sometimes eloquent humor. By the 1970s, her columns were read, twice weekly, by 30 million readers of the 900 newspapers of the U.S. and Canada. - Wikipedia
Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
When humor goes, there goes civilization.
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Never have more children than you have car windows.
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend-and he's a priest.
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
Never order food in excess of your body weight.
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.
Growing up, my dolls were doctors and on secret missions. I had Barbie Goes Rambo.
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.
A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners.