My show is my statement. What I have to say is on the screen. My life is my own. I don't want to talk about my private self. Why should I?

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not.

Funny is an attitude.

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.

What you see is what you get.

Violence is a tool of the ignorant.