Authors - George Carlin

Brief Biography

George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, satirist, actor and writer/author, who won five Grammy Awards for his comedy albums. - Wikipedia

Quotes by George CarlinBrowse all of these

Quote 760by Anonymous on 07/01/2011

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
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    Quote 819by Anonymous on 07/01/2011

    Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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      Quote 1463by Anonymous on 13/01/2011

      Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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        Quote 1506by Anonymous on 13/01/2011

        There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
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          Quote 1541by Anonymous on 14/01/2011

          Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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            Quote 2172by Anonymous on 24/01/2011

            As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
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              Quote 2758by Anonymous on 02/02/2011

              The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in the oposite direction.
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                Quote 3359by Anonymous on 05/02/2011

                Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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                  Quote 3709by Anonymous on 09/02/2011

                  I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.
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                    Quote 4184by Anonymous on 16/02/2011

                    I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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                      Quote 4236by Anonymous on 18/02/2011

                      I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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                        Quote 4433by Anonymous on 21/02/2011

                        Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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                          Quote 5765by Anonymous on 26/08/2011

                          The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
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                            Quote 6415by Anonymous on 19/09/2011

                            I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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                              Quote 6440by Anonymous on 19/09/2011

                              There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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                                Quote 7177by Anonymous on 27/10/2011

                                Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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                                  Quote 11029by Anonymous on 17/11/2012

                                  What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
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                                    Quote 12493by Anonymous on 21/04/2013

                                    If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?
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                                      Quote 12617by Anonymous on 04/05/2013

                                      Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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                                        Quote 13083by Anonymous on 17/06/2013

                                        In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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                                          Portrait

                                          Portrait of George Carlin
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