The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are you ready?'

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.