We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.