Authors - Mitch Hedberg

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Quote 4926by Anonymous on 04/05/2011

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
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    Quote 9161by Anonymous on 23/06/2012

    I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
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      Quote 9220by Anonymous on 29/06/2012

      I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
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        Quote 12063by Anonymous on 24/02/2013

        Food can become such a point of anxiety - not because it's food, but just because you have anxiety. That's how eating disorders develop.
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          Quote 12764by Anonymous on 18/05/2013

          My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
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            Quote 12996by Anonymous on 08/06/2013

            I don't know any of us who are in relationships that are totally honest - it doesn't exist.
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              Quote 13415by Anonymous on 20/07/2013

              I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
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