A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets.

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

CandyIs dandyBut liquorIs quicker.

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.