I'll always perform, because show business is in my blood. Or maybe it's in my feet. Wherever it is, I don't think I'll ever stop.

Cocaine is God's way of telling someone that they're too rich.

Ah, yes, divorce...from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

She is not perfect. You are not perfect. The question is whether or not you are perfect for each other.

Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Cocaine is God's way of telling you you are making too much money.

Comedy is acting out optimism.

Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all of its students.

Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"

Carpe per diem - seize the check.