Authors - Steve Martin
Stephen Glenn "Steve" Martin (born August 14, 1945) is an American actor, comedian, author, playwright, producer, musician and composer. Martin came to public notice as a writer for the Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour, and later became a frequent guest on The Tonight Show. In the 1970s, Martin performed his offbeat, absurdist comedy routines before packed houses on national tours. In 2004, Comedy Central ranked Martin at sixth place in a list of the 100 greatest stand-up comics. - Wikipedia
Boy, those French, they have a different word for everything!
You know what your problem is? It's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.
The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.
Happiness is so hard to define and foolish to define. Am I acting? That's the worst thing you can ask yourself. You can be happy suddenly. It can spring on you, not when you reach a plateau. You can be happy going backward or going down. You can be happy at the loss of something.
Kids like my act because I'm wearing nose glasses. Adults like my act because there's a guy who thinks putting on nose glasses is funny.
Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
I could not handle being a woman, I would stay home all day and play with my breasts.
There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that.
Stand-up comedy is transient. History shows that you can stand up for so long; after that, you're asked to sit down.
What I just said is the fundamental, end-all, final, not-subject-to-opinion absolute truth, depending on where you're standing.
I wrote a novel this year called Shop Girl, and several producers came to me and wanted to turn it into a movie. And I said, "If you think you're going to take this book and change it around, and Hollywoodize it and change the ending...that's going to cost you.
Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman - it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal's out of town.
You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.