Authors - Woody Allen

Brief Biography

Woody Allen (born December 1, 1935) is an award-winning American screenwriter, director, actor, comedian, author, and playwright, whose career spans over half a century. - Wikipedia

Quotes by Woody AllenBrowse all of these

Quote 403by Anonymous on 01/01/2011

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
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    Quote 561by Anonymous on 05/01/2011

    Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good.
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      Quote 646by Anonymous on 06/01/2011

      Don't knock masturbation; it's sex with someone I love.
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        Quote 1184by Anonymous on 11/01/2011

        Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
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          Quote 1635by Anonymous on 14/01/2011

          Last night I discovered a new form of oral contraceptive. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said no.
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            Quote 1997by Anonymous on 20/01/2011

            I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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              Quote 2160by Anonymous on 24/01/2011

              When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
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                Quote 2291by Anonymous on 27/01/2011

                How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
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                  Quote 2301by Anonymous on 27/01/2011

                  The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.
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                    Quote 2334by Anonymous on 28/01/2011

                    Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
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                      Quote 2338by Anonymous on 28/01/2011

                      Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
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                        Quote 2513by Anonymous on 31/01/2011

                        I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
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                          Quote 2737by Anonymous on 02/02/2011

                          I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.
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                            Quote 3009by Anonymous on 02/02/2011

                            It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
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                              Quote 3124by Anonymous on 03/02/2011

                              I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
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                                Quote 3225by Anonymous on 05/02/2011

                                Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
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                                  Quote 3236by Anonymous on 05/02/2011

                                  Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
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                                    Quote 3318by Anonymous on 05/02/2011

                                    The good thing about being bisexual is that it doubles your chance of a date on a Saturday night.
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                                      Quote 3547by Anonymous on 06/02/2011

                                      Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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                                        Quote 3560by Anonymous on 07/02/2011

                                        It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better, while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
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                                          Quote 3809by Anonymous on 10/02/2011

                                          I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
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                                            Quote 4151by Anonymous on 15/02/2011

                                            Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
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                                              Quote 4191by Anonymous on 16/02/2011

                                              I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.
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                                                Quote 4248by Anonymous on 18/02/2011

                                                More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
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                                                  Quote 4353by Anonymous on 20/02/2011

                                                  There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
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                                                    Quote 4420by Anonymous on 21/02/2011

                                                    Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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                                                      Quote 4469by Anonymous on 22/02/2011

                                                      On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
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                                                        Quote 4486by Anonymous on 22/02/2011

                                                        It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
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                                                          Quote 4490by Anonymous on 22/02/2011

                                                          To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
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                                                            Quote 4502by Anonymous on 22/02/2011

                                                            The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
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                                                              Quote 4516by Anonymous on 22/02/2011

                                                              My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
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                                                                Quote 4874by Anonymous on 02/03/2011

                                                                I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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                                                                  Quote 8358by Anonymous on 07/05/2012

                                                                  Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
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                                                                    Quote 8490by Anonymous on 14/05/2012

                                                                    I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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                                                                      Quote 9237by Anonymous on 02/07/2012

                                                                      I am two with nature.
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                                                                        Quote 9697by Anonymous on 15/08/2012

                                                                        I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
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                                                                          Quote 9812by Anonymous on 25/08/2012

                                                                          If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
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                                                                            Quote 10067by Anonymous on 10/09/2012

                                                                            I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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                                                                              Quote 11228by Anonymous on 02/12/2012

                                                                              Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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                                                                                Quote 11708by Anonymous on 17/01/2013

                                                                                If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
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