Authors - Woody Allen
Brief Biography
Woody Allen (born December 1, 1935) is an award-winning American screenwriter, director, actor, comedian, author, and playwright, whose career spans over half a century. - Wikipedia
Quotes by Woody AllenBrowse all of these
Quote 1184by Anonymous on 11/01/2011
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
Quote 1635by Anonymous on 14/01/2011
Last night I discovered a new form of oral contraceptive. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said no.
Quote 1997by Anonymous on 20/01/2011
I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Quote 2160by Anonymous on 24/01/2011
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
Quote 2291by Anonymous on 27/01/2011
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
Quote 2301by Anonymous on 27/01/2011
The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.
Quote 2334by Anonymous on 28/01/2011
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Quote 2338by Anonymous on 28/01/2011
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
Quote 2513by Anonymous on 31/01/2011
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Quote 2737by Anonymous on 03/02/2011
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.
Quote 3009by Anonymous on 03/02/2011
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Quote 3124by Anonymous on 03/02/2011
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Quote 3225by Anonymous on 05/02/2011
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
Quote 3236by Anonymous on 05/02/2011
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Quote 3318by Anonymous on 05/02/2011
The good thing about being bisexual is that it doubles your chance of a date on a Saturday night.
Quote 3547by Anonymous on 06/02/2011
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Quote 3560by Anonymous on 07/02/2011
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better, while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Quote 3809by Anonymous on 10/02/2011
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Quote 4191by Anonymous on 16/02/2011
I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.
Quote 4248by Anonymous on 18/02/2011
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
Quote 4353by Anonymous on 20/02/2011
There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
Quote 4469by Anonymous on 22/02/2011
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
Quote 4486by Anonymous on 22/02/2011
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
Quote 4490by Anonymous on 22/02/2011
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
Quote 4502by Anonymous on 22/02/2011
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Quote 4516by Anonymous on 22/02/2011
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Quote 4874by Anonymous on 02/03/2011
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Quote 8358by Anonymous on 07/05/2012
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Quote 8490by Anonymous on 14/05/2012
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Quote 9697by Anonymous on 15/08/2012
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
Quote 9812by Anonymous on 25/08/2012
If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
Quote 10067by Anonymous on 10/09/2012
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Quote 11228by Anonymous on 02/12/2012
Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Quote 11708by Anonymous on 17/01/2013
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
