Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.

Socialism: An attempt to curb the destructive power of monopolies by creating the biggest one of all.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.

You're entitled to your own opinion, but not your own facts.

People have a way of becoming what you encourage them to be, not what you nag them to be.

A man doesnt want a child he is a dead beat dad. A woman doesnt want a child she is pro choice.

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.

Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.

For those who believe, no explanation is necessary. For those who do not believe, no explanation is possible.

Enjoy your job, make lots of money, work within the law. Choose any two.

Better to die on your feet than live on your knees.

If you can speak three languages you're trilingual. If you can speak two languages you're bilingual. If you can speak only one language you're an American.

Courage is the most beautiful kind of madness.

If investments are keeping you awake at night, sell down to the sleeping point.

We give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.

If everybody's thinking alike, somebody isn't thinking.

The biggest risk is not taking one.

Sometimes the majority just means all the idiots are on the same side.

Principles only mean something when you stick to them when its inconvenient.

Love is a verb.

Who does not thank for little will not thank for much.

Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying.

Home is where you come when you run out of places.

Some people use language to express thought, some to conceal thought, and others instead of thought.

Pain is just weakness leaving the body.

Stupid people surround themselves with smart people. Smart people surround themselves with smart people who disagree with them.

My goal is to someday be the person my dog thinks I am.

The truth is always a trick to those who live among lies.

Civilized people need love for full sexual satisfaction.

God gave us two ends. One to sit on and one to think with. Success depends on which one you use; head you win, tail, you lose.

Why are people's "deepest desires" always so shallow?

Remember when safe sex meant not getting caught?

They say love is around every corner. I must be walking in circles.

Someone doing it often interrupts the person saying it cannot be done.

Of course the meek will inherit the earth, what, did you think they'd take it by force?

Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.

Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of.

Concern should drive us into action and not into depression.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

To him that you tell your secret you resign your liberty.

Unity in things necessary, liberty in things doubtful, charity in everything.

If you enjoy the fruit, pluck not the flower.

No man deserves punishment for his thoughts.

A closed mind is a good thing to lose.

A good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help another up.

If for a tranquil mind you seek, These things observe with care: Of whom you speak, to whom you speak, And how, and when and where.