Authors - Groucho Marx
Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx (October 2, 1890 - August 19, 1977) was an American comedian and film and television star. He is known as a master of quick wit and widely considered one of the best comedians of the modern era. He made 13 feature films with his siblings the Marx Brothers, of whom he was the third-born. He also had a successful solo career, most notably as the host of the radio and television game show You Bet Your Life. His distinctive appearance, carried over from his days in vaudeville, included quirks such as an exaggerated stooped posture, glasses, cigar, and a thick greasepaint mustache and eyebrows. These exaggerated features resulted in the creation of one of the world's most ubiquitous and recognizable novelty disguises, known as "Groucho glasses", a one-piece mask consisting of horn-rimmed glasses, large plastic nose, bushy eyebrows and mustache. - Wikipedia
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
I would not join any club that would have someone like me for a member.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men. The other 999 follow women.
Humor is reason gone mad.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Anyone can get old, all you have to do is live long enough.
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct.
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.