I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Hope for the Best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We're unrehearsed.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.